Here’s another entry by a brave writer who would appreciate constructive feedback. Please read and comment appropriately. If you do, don’t forget to enter our Rafflecopter giveaway. One lucky person will win a $10 Amazon gift card, an eCopy of It Ain’t Easy Being Jazzy by Quanie Miller, and an eCopy of Guarding Angel by S. L. Saboviec.
Please note that the excerpt contains strong language.
Entry #16
Name: S. L. Saboviec
Website: http://www.saboviec.com
Title: The Exorcist’s Assistant
Genre: Adult Dark Urban Fantasy
Scarlet was in her office, going over a project status report, when the skin on the back of her neck prickled.
IT was back.
For one stomach-clenching, head-twisting, freezing-sweat moment, she was no longer an almost-fifty vice president of technology in a large bank, she was an eight-year-old girl, huddled under the covers and shivering. Despite the glare of the overhead lights and the twilight glow coming through her window, midnight darkness blasted her skin with a chilly breeze.
“Aw, hell, no.” The words had no effect. She threw her pen across the office. It bounced against the closed door and landed in her trash can. Well, that did a lot of good.
She stood and peered out the small frosted window along the door frame and saw what she expected: Nothing. No human eyes checking if she was still at work at six o’clock in the evening. No janitorial staff passing by and whistling a tune. She turned and stared out her twenty-second floor window, but the tinted glass prevented UV rays and prying eyes from seeing
her.
Scarlet bent down and pulled her pen from the waste basket. She threw it on her desk, ignoring the shivers that told her the creature that had menaced her as a child was back. Sleepless nights and crab-like terror crawling through her belly had been her constant companions for years.
“This is unacceptable,” she said in her best boardroom voice. “What do you want?”
Something moved behind her, and she whirled. The motivational poster on her wall was askance. She marched across the room and straightened it. “That’s it? You want to make a commentary on my art choices?”
She opened the door and stalked down the hall to the vending machine.
It followed her, of course. What else would it do? Just as it had stood over her bed, a black, formless shape that disappeared with the morning, she would never be able to see it in the light of day. But it was there.
Why was it back? The goddamned thing had done nothing more than stir stomach-clenching dread in her as a child, the same dread that was hovering around her, that she was now keeping at bay with sheer rage. For years, Scarlet hadn’t slept well. She’d anchored herself in her schoolwork and withdrawn into a shell, losing childhood friends. Yet it had done nothing but keep her awake and terrified.
Who did it think it was, anyway?
Fucking… thing.
Scarlet plunked money into the machine and pulled out a candy bar. And now it was forcing her to sugar and carbs. Didn’t that just figure. But she needed the calories to think of what to do. When was the last time she’d eaten? She’d been in meetings over lunch, and she may have forgotten to consume anything except coffee for breakfast.
Scarlet shoveled the candy bar into her mouth faster than was socially acceptable. If it was going to be rude, she was certainly not going to be polite either.
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There’s more to critique!
After leaving your comments, you can head over to one or more of these blogs to see some more great entries:
- Before Ink Dries
- Magic & Mayhem Book Reviews
- MM Jaye Writes
- Official Blog of Brian Basham
- Proof Positive
- Quanie Talks Writing
Thank you to the entrants and the participants!
Beyond the Mind Maze 
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