Empty Room (Friday Fictioneers #5)

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I took part in this weekly challenge four weeks in a row last spring, and I enjoyed the ride a lot! This flash fiction Friday event is both fun and a great writing exercise. A picture prompt, a 100-word story that links dozens of awesome writer bloggers! Thank you, Rochelle Wishoff-Fields!

Photo Prompt – Copyright: Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

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Who would have thought?

All it took was a glance at the girl who sat across from me—wild hair held up by an electric blue scrunchie, bold red lips, her stone-washed jeans leaving her midriff bare—and the melody blasted into my mind with such astonishing clarity, I plucked out the folded snack paper bag I’d shoved into my back pocket, snatched the pencil out of the fingers of the Sudoku-solving man sitting beside me and scribbled down the chords.

It had been ten years. Suddenly, I couldn’t wait to call Roland. It was time.

92 words

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The first thing I saw when looking at this week’s picture was the Tears for Fears album cover. I just heard Roland Orzabal’s voice in my head 🙂

For more great flash fiction, click on the linky.

Comments

32 responses to “Empty Room (Friday Fictioneers #5)”

October 9, 2014

Nicholas C. Rossis

Lol – Roland, huh? Now you’re just dating us… 😀

I loved both idea and execution! 🙂

The first part feels a bit like a run-on sentence. I might have broken it in two:

“…and the melody blasted into my mind with astonishing clarity. I plucked out the folded snack paper bag…”

I loved the image of the girl – the blue scrunchie, the bare midriff, the red lips… You’ve painted quite the vivid picture!

Reply
1. October 9, 2014
  
  MM Jaye
  
  Thanks, Nicholas! I was going for a run-on sentence to create momentum, but I guess I should have cut it sooner. I dated myself… You did your dating! LOL!
  
  Reply
October 9, 2014

AnElephantCant

Cool tale.

Greetings from France, just along the Med!

Reply
1. October 9, 2014
  
  MM Jaye
  
  Thanks for stopping by, oh kind creature!
  
  Reply
October 9, 2014

Claire Fuller

Really nice idea, and well written. I love where he gets his pencil from!
Claire

Reply
1. October 9, 2014
  
  MM Jaye
  
  Thank you, Claire! I really liked your Tom Jones story!
  
  Reply
October 9, 2014

angelsefer

That’s a great idea.

Reply
1. October 9, 2014
  
  MM Jaye
  
  Thanks for stopping by, Angel!
  
  Reply
October 9, 2014

Caerlynn Nash

Inspiration comes from interesting places sometimes. Well done!

Reply
1. October 9, 2014
  
  MM Jaye
  
  Thanks for commenting, Caerlynn!
  
  Reply
October 9, 2014

waitingforaname

Nice work. Great flow.

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1. October 9, 2014
  
  MM Jaye
  
  Thanks! I liked the flow in yours, too! Oh,now I know Margot’s secret.. 🙂
  
  Reply
October 10, 2014

margirene

I hope he keeps that paper bag somewhere safe. I like the pace of this, and the character. He must have seen many colourful, midriff-bearing girls over the ten years of ‘drought’ without this result. Who can say what inspiration really is? A mystery. It was obviously just his time.
Marg

Reply
1. October 10, 2014
  
  MM Jaye
  
  Indeed! That works for writers, too! It takes one to know one, as they say… 🙂 Thanks for the comment!
  
  Reply
October 10, 2014

Nan Falkner

Dear MM Jaye, This is such an interesting story. I thought the Sudoku man was a great touch! Nan 🙂

Reply
1. October 10, 2014
  
  MM Jaye
  
  Thanks, Nan! Here in Greece, Sudoku-solving men ride the train or subway a lot! 🙂
  
  Reply
October 11, 2014

rochellewisoff

Dear Maria,

I’m certainly the one receiving an education this week. Heretofore I’d never heard of Tears for Fears. Now it seems that album in my son’s music room has inspired a few to write about them in one way or another. Frankly, I’m enjoying the music as I enjoyed your story. Well done. I, too, liked the Sudoko-solving man.

Shalom,

Rochelle

Reply
1. October 11, 2014
  
  MM Jaye
  
  Thank you so much for taking the time to comment, Rochelle! This is your son’s music room? I’m sure he’s shared with you amazing music! My little one seems musically inclined, but she’s only four… Maybe one day, if I get rich selling books 😉 i’ll be able to build her a music room such as this…
  
  Reply
  1. October 11, 2014
    
    rochellewisoff
    
    We recently visited Shannon and his wife. This room was where we slept. There’s so much more to the room. Here’s a clip for you. A little mom pride here. My son’s the one in purple. How appropriate is that?
    
    Reply
    1. October 11, 2014
      
      MM Jaye
      
      That was awesome, Rochelle! I can see the family resemblance 🙂 You must be very proud! Although the experimentalism in this track is not exactly my cup of tea, I do love the chorus! Thank you so much for sharing! (Lots of exclamation marks!!!) I will head over to YouTube to post a comment…
      
      Reply
      1. October 11, 2014
        
        MM Jaye
        
        Oh my, YouTube seems to be down. I’ll do that a bit later…
October 11, 2014

wmqcolby

Well, I most CERTAINLY knew who Tears For Fears were! In fact, this is the second one I have read with them being mentioned. Pretty cool. I remember my youth dancing to them at parties and clubs (even though they only had two hits in the USA). The good old days. Nice, MM Jaye! Good to see you again.

Reply
1. October 11, 2014
  
  MM Jaye
  
  Thank you so much! Here in Greece, we had the two hits you remember plus another couple maybe… But the singer’s voice is very characteristic (just like Dave Gahan’s, the singer of Depeche Mode, which you might also remember). Thanks for stopping by!
  
  Reply
  1. October 11, 2014
    
    wmqcolby
    
    Yes, very much so. Ah, memories. 🙂
    
    Reply