Beyond the Mind Maze

Category: Writing

  • Strong voice, rich emotion: Struggles of the Women Folk by T.M. Brown (review)

    Genres: African American fiction, historical fiction, women’s issues.
    Themes: family dynamics, romance, perseverance

    My Review:

    This is the coming-of-age story of Georgie, a black woman growing up in rural Virginia in the 1940s. Striving to be good, all she wants is a peaceful life, but all she gets is pain. This becomes a suffocating pattern that she cannot seem to extricate herself from, and when she loses the one good thing in her life, again through deceit, she has no reason to live. But instead of letting go, she uses prayer as a balm to soothe her pain, and soon hope flourishes.

    In a society rife with prejudice, stereotypes and an unabashed display of racism, black women are continuously victimized; not least from their peers. That was an element of interest in this book. And as the title suggest, this story depicts the struggle of all women folk; not only black women. I’m Greek, and around the time Georgie was growing up, my grandmother was giving birth in the fields, child after child, knowing that not all children will survive, a fact that gave birth to “Death shall claim his share”. The cynicism with which their harsh reality armed those women was carried over to their own children—not their cherished sons but their daughters. Maybe it was a way to reinforce them, make them stronger to face their own struggles, but in reality what was reinforced was their lack of conviction in their self-worth, their eternal victimization.

    With a voice strong in its simplicity, T. M. Brown lays out a tale of deceit, betrayal and dark secrets and a young girl’s struggle to navigate in life through them. Although this is historical fiction, the message defies time and is still very relevant: perseverance and never losing hope.

    Even though it’s overwhelmingly harrowing at times, this is a must read.

    Get it now on:

    AMAZON

    SMASHWORDS

    BARNES AND NOBLE

    Excerpt

    “Morning country bumpkins,” she said, same as usual.

    “I don’t know why you have to be so rude to us every morning! What makes you think you so much better than us? How come we always gotta wait for you every morning? We workin in the same shop, doing the same stuff. Why you think you so much better than us?” I said as Miss Hazel and Sharon looked at me wide eyed.

    “Look at you! Need I say more?” Regina smirked.

    “No, you don’t need to say more, but I sure can. Like how you and Mr. Anderson been breaking dem springs on dat bed upstairs almost every night. Iz dat why you think you better than us? Cuz you up dere spreading your legs for dat white man?”

    “Shut up!”

    “No, you shut up! I don’t want to hear nothing else outta you! Not one more mornin! You just common! Messing round with somebody else’s husband foe a few nice dresses. I know your kind.” I didn’t know why I was so mad at her, but I just wanted to snap her head off.

    “Shut up! That’s a lie.”

    “No it ain’t. I hears yawl almost ever night.”

    “You just sayin that cuz you jealous.”

    “Jealous! Jealous of what? You ain’t got nothing I want! You mean, and ya nasty and common on top of it!”

    “Just say one more word and I’ll . . .”

    “You’ll what? Girrl, you really don’t want no parts of me. You take one more step and that’ll be your last! I’m sick of you!” Before I knew it, I was within arm’s reach of Regina. I had every intention of beating her down to the floor.

    “Okay girls, that’s enough,” Miss Hazel interrupted. “Regina and Sharon, why don’t you go back up to your rooms for a minute.”

    What? Why we gotta go? She’s the one causing problems,” Regina said as she began to make her way up the stairs. I guess she could see from the look on Miss Hazel’s face that she better not push it.

    “I’m sorry, Miss Hazel,” I said after they left. “I’m just tired of her picking on me and Sharon all the time. Plus I miss my momma, and . . . and I don’t feel good.”

    “I know it must be hard being so far away with no family around, child.” No one had called me child since I left my momma in Virginia. I missed her so much. I missed Donnie so much. I felt so lonely.

    “You know, everybody has a story. Things aren’t always as they seem,” Miss Hazel said. “Regina has a story to tell as well. That don’t make it right for her to act the way she been acting, but she’s had her troubles too.

    About The Author

    Internationally recognized story-teller with a past that provides lots of material to write from!

    *1st book, “A Life Not My Own”, kicks down the secret door that Tina had worked so hard to lock away her insecurities, heartache and fears.

    *5 STAR rated Just Between Us – Inspiring Stories by Women. TM’s short story is a continuation of “A Life Not My Own”, providing just a tad more about her life as a young adult (not captured in my first book). Expect the unexpected…

    *”Struggles of the Women Folk”, is based on fictional characters with a storyline created from stories that her grandmother shared with her as a child.

    *Military service: 7 years – Enlisted

    *Formal Education

    *Master of Science Degree in System Engineering – Regis University – Denver, Colorado

    *Undergraduate Degree in Psychology – University of Maryland, Baltimore County (UMBC)

    Visit http://author-tmbrown.com/ and tm.brown35@yahoo.com

    Get it now on:

    AMAZON

    SMASHWORDS

    BARNES AND NOBLE

     

    1fe55-fabreads-blogger-banner

     

    Fabulosity Reads Book Promotions is a book touring website that promotes authors and their precious works to an extensive audience using blogs, twitter, Facebook and other Social Media, with the aim of introducing them to an appreciative readership.

    They offer a diverse range of both complimentary and affordable products to help the reach of your book go that much further.

     

  • William Fraser – WIP Interview and writing African fantasy

    William Fraser’s stories are from the spice scented breezes of the Zanzibar archipelago, the remote grasslands of the Serengeti and the dark side of Kilimanjaro.  His first novel, The Spirit Tree was inspired by a  yearlong stay on the slopes of Kilimanjaro, Tanzania.  William worked and traveled through Southern Africa for eleven years before settling in Tanzania in 1999.  He now splits his time between Tanzania and the U.K.

    William, thank you for being here. Before we talk about your WIP, why don’t you tell us a few things about yourself?  

    I am never comfortable talking about myself and since childhood have hidden behind the characters I create for my stories.  I was born and raised in South Yorkshire and learned my love of travel and adventure at 28 when I visited South Africa for three weeks loving it so much I didn’t return home.  Eleven years later I moved to Tanzania where I worked for a safari ground operator and wrote about Tanzanian/Kenyan cultural tours which developed into writing stories set in East Africa

    Exercise in lean writing: give us a synopsis of your current WIP in under 200 words.

    It is Kilimanjaro,  the year 1800  and the King invites boys on the cusp of manhood to attend the annual Mbora Trails.  From the very beginning there is one boy, Nuhu, who stands out from the rest.  The King is convinced this Nuhu is the one foretold by the ancients who would restore ‘Upinde’,  the sacred drum, to its rightful place.

    Nuhu’s best friend, Minja, dies during one of the trials and he becomes concerned that other boys seem to be disappearing without explanation, too.  Nuhu investigates and discovers the Shaman – who has tapped into an ancient power that feeds on human souls  – is behind the disappearances.  Nuhu confides in the King who is murdered the following night .  Noah is framed for the murder and runs for his life.

    Heading for the grass plains and sanctuary with the Elders of Kikatiti, he is armed with a copper tipped spear, perused by his rival, Leopard and helped occasionally by his dead friend, Minja.  His only hope lays in outrunning his enemies and securing the help of the Elders of Kikatiti who are the keepers of the lost secret of the drum – the only means to overcoming the Shaman and the power of the Legion.

    Are you happy with the pace of your work? Do you aim at a specific word count each day? 

    I try.   It is important to be disciplined but it is difficult to accomplish as it is important to achieve.  I used to be obsessed with completing a set amount of work each day.  With my latest project I concentrate on getting it right.  This means I am working (in word count terms) at a much slower rate than I would like.

    Plotter, pantser or both?

    Plotter, well no, well sometimes . . . hmm, maybe both.

    What’s your worst enemy in getting that first draft finished?

    Starting a new project I always find daunting but once I start, I go for it.  Towards the end of a draft sometimes doubt raises its ugly head.  Self doubt, is the enemy.

    Have you ever experienced lack of inspiration or drive to write? If so, how do you motivate yourself? 

    Yes,  all the time!  I overcome it by forcing myself to write, even if it’s uninspired drivel.  Often in these so called dry times some of my best ideas are hatched.  Or sometimes I cut myself off from the radio, TV, mobile phones, and internet.  I spend hours in self conflicted solitude, clearing my head of all the baggage.  I wrestle with silence and in the silence, eventually, the inspiration comes.

    Could we take a look at your workspace? Is there a particular place you find inspiring for writing?

    I have two.  Walking along the cliffs on the North Devon coast and walking in Arusha, Tanzania.  My laptop and office are not inspiring at all!  If I find myself staring at the laptop mouth open and brain switched off I abandon my work space to think – only returning once I am bursting with ideas about my characters and/or plot.   

    Now your photo is pinned on my Featured Writers’ Workspace board in Pinterest. Apart from Word and Google, do you use any other writing or research tools and apps? 

    No,  is the easy answer.  Google is my friend, albeit a rather controlling friend with designs on world domination.  My stories are about the life and culture of Tanzania and the fantastic folk of Arusha, Kilimanjaro, Nairobi and the Rift Valley .These are better than any app.

    How do you intend to celebrate writing “The End” on your draft?

    I usually have another project demanding my attention.  Often I have two or three on the go at the same time, all overlapping one another.  There never seems to be an end.

    Which book publishing processes are you going to outsource and which are you confident enough to undertake yourself? 

    I usually publish through Smashwords and Kindle although I am considering using an agent.  My editor has approached an agent so I may be published through a more traditional route in the future.

    You blog here. Do you follow a specific branding pattern with your posts or is it a free writing platform? 

    Although I am not comfortable with blogging I have a blog page.  It is more of a free writing platform – I am thinking about shutting it down.  The only reason I have it is because I am told it is a must to have one.  It is never a good idea to do something for which you have no heart or skill…   It is better, for me, I think to blog through third party sites that are far more interesting and professional than anything I could create.  It takes up so much time too.  I’d rather spend the time writing stories.

    Is African fantasy the genre you will brand yourself with or do you see yourself branching out in the future?  

    I am passionate about everything East African and love to share that love with anyone who will listen.  I can’t see me branching out for a while.

    Thank you, William, and best of luck with your projects!

    You can purchase The Spirit Tree on Amazon and Smashwords

  • Calling All Critiques: Final Wrap-Up

    The first Calling All Critiques event was a success!

    On behalf of all the bloggers, I want to thank all entrants and participants for taking time out of your busy schedules to take part. We hope you enjoyed it and perhaps learned something along the way. Got any suggestions on how to make the next event a success? Leave them in the comments!

    Third Week Visiting Winner

    The third week’s visiting winner who either commented or followed one of the participating bloggers on Twitter is:

    Simon Clark

    You’ll receive an email soon. You have until Thursday to respond with further information for us to send you your prize. If we don’t hear from you by then, a runner-up will be chosen.

    One more shout out to the bloggers!

    Don’t forget to give some thanks to all our participating blogs and bloggers:

    Again, thank you!

  • Elle Boca: WIP Interview

    Elle Boca is the author of the Weeia urban fantasy series set in Miami, Florida in the United States. Unelmoija: The Dreamshifter (read my 5-star review here) and Unelmoija: The Mindshifter, the first and second books of the series respectively, are available as ebooks on Amazon.com. Unelmoija: The Spiritshifter will soon follow.

    Elle has been kind enough to offer an exciting excerpt of The Dreamshifter, the first book in the series, for my excerpts’ blog MM Jaye’s friends write. Make sure you read it here.

     

    Elle, thank you for coming.  Before we talk about your WIP, why don’t you tell us a few things about yourself?  

    When not writing and creating fantastical beings I like nature and wildlife photography, cookies, movies, and dreaming of going on safari.

     

    What are you working on right now?

    I’m wrapping up Unelmoija: The Spiritshifter, the third book in the Weeia urban fantasy series. I’ve completed the initial manuscript draft. Next, I’ll read, edit, and reread it before sending it out to beta readers.

    In book three of the Weeia series, Unelmoija: The Spiritshifter, Amy’s courage is tested once again. Her boyfriend Duncan and the Youth for Change leaders want to find out why young Weeia have no abilities. Should Amy get involved? Is it the right thing to do?

    They decide to bring Weeia youth to Miami so Amy can try to amplify their abilities without revealing her identity. Behind the scenes, powerful forces oppose her. Will Duncan, her sister Kat and their friends be able to protect her?

    Are you happy with the pace of your work? Do you aim at a specific word count each day?

    I focus on telling the story. Some days I write a lot and others not as much. While I track word count from a big picture perspective, what I’m most interested in is telling an engaging story the best way I can.

    Plotter, pantser or both?

    Both, first I outlined the series and the individual books. As the story unfolds things develop in unexpected ways and I adapt as necessary. I’ll be writing Amy’s dialog (or another character’s) and realize that she would say or think things one way and that requires a change in direction.

    What’s your worst enemy in getting that first draft finished?

    Time. My quality writing (and proofing) time is limited. I have to take advantage of it whenever it’s available and do the best that I can from there.

    Have you ever experienced lack of inspiration or drive to write? If so, how do you motivate yourself?

    Once I have the story outlined it’s pretty much steady writing although there are places that require me to slow down to think through a plot point. If I need a break I take it. I strive to write daily.

    Could we take a look at your workspace? Is there a particular place you find inspiring?

    The image is of a beautiful Miami for purposes of the Weeia series (greater South Florida) waterfront location at sunset. I look at photos like this one to inspire me.

    Now your photo is “pinned” on my Featured Writers’ Workspace Board on Pinterest. Apart from Word and Google, do you use any other writing or research tools and apps?

    I refer to two online dictionaries on a regular basis. I also refer to maps and research setting details online.

    How do you intend to celebrate writing “The End” on your draft?

    I celebrate individual victories whenever possible. For Unelmoija: The Spiritshifter, I celebrated with a glass of sparkling wine and a wonderful fish dinner.

    Add Florida as the setting, and it’s a celebration I’d dream of myself! Which book publishing processes are you going to outsource and which are you confident enough to undertake yourself?

    I rely on beta readers for big picture plot and character issues. Also, I get help with editing and the book covers. The list of readers, reviewers and colleagues who have shared their time, words of wisdom, time and space on their own websites (such as you) is long. To all of you I say a heartfelt thank you!

    You are very welcome! Do you have any marketing tips or favorite promotional sites you’d like to share?

    I rely mostly on Amazon, Goodreads and my landing page at http://elleboca.poyeen.com/ as well as reviews, author features from friendly colleagues and Twitter.

    Is urban fantasy the genre you will brand yourself with or do you see yourself branching out in the future?

    Until I finish the Weeia series I’ll focus on urban fantasy. After that, there’s an unfinished mystery I hope to complete.

    Would you like to share with us links where we can find you and your work?

    Website:

    http://elleboca.poyeen.com/

    Twitter:

    https://twitter.com/elleboca

    Amazon author page:

    http://www.amazon.com/Elle-Boca/e/B00HRCBEYK/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1

    Goodreads:

    http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7499807.Elle_Boca?from_search=true

    Thank you, Elle, and best of luck with the Weeia Unelmoija fantasy series!

    Thank you, Maria for your time and interest!

     

  • Unelmoija: The Dreamshifter by Elle Boca (Review)

    Title: Unelmoija: The Dreamshifter (Weeia)
    Author: Elle Boca
    Genre: Urban Fantasy
    Buy Link: Amazon

    Review

    Amy is Weeia. As in belonging to a superhuman race with special abilities. Her upbringing by her single mother has been secluded and full of fear of discovery. She might not know exactly what her abilities are, but one thing she’s fully aware of is the need to remain inconspicuous and keep a low profile. But this doesn’t keep her mysterious, fear-inducing father from tracking her down, or Duncan, her supposed polar opposite, who nevertheless doesn’t repel her at all, to pop right in front of her. They both claim to put her safety before all else. But when she has to deal with an attempt against her life, Amy finds herself more alone than ever. It’s high time she explored those dreamshifting abilities and found out why that old psychic called her Unelmoija, seemingly in awe.

    What I particularly appreciated in this book was the very fact I found myself having trouble dealing with in the beginning. The writing. At first, I felt the writing was procedural (or expository if you prefer those terms) but soon I realized that the more Amy grew into her own skin and saw more of the world than her own shadow, the language became richer, more layered, more descriptive; it evolved right along with its main character. I found that ingenious. The story is well-paced, the friendship between Amy and Duncan sweet, but my favorite aspect was the reluctant relationship between Amy and her father whose role in the story is still somewhat of a puzzle.

    I loved hopping around Miami through the eyes of Elle Boca. What I felt more vividly than the images were the tantalizing smells. In fact this book should come with a warning: do not read if you’re to go on a diet. Boy, do those people eat…

    A fumbling teen who taps into uncharted strengths for survival, her broken family tensions, a superb race’s intricate politics, escalating suspense and lots of southeast Florida. All in all, Dreamshifter is an excellent debut urban fantasy, and I will definitely read its sequel, Mindshifter, to see Amy coming to grips with her reality.

    About the Author

    Elle is the author of the Weeia urban fantasy series set in Miami, Florida in the United States. Growing up the only child of a monkey mother and a rabbit father she learned to keep herself entertained and spend time reading.

    Elle makes her home with her king cat husband in South Florida. When not writing and creating fantastical beings she likes photographing nature and wildlife, eating baked goods, watching movies, and dreaming of going on safari.

    Find her on

    Blog: elleboca.poyeen.com

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/elleboca

    Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/26277297-elle-boca

  • Calling All Critiques: Third week wrap-up

    Thank you to everyone who has participated so far in Calling All Critiques, whether you were a submitting author or a critiquer or just stopped by the blogs to see what was going on.

    I’d like to personally thank S.L. Saboviec for all the work she’s put in to send us post templates that saved us precious time and for her amazing coordination.

    Second Week Visiting Winner

    The second week’s visiting winner who either commented or followed one of the participating bloggers on Twitter is:

    Alan Saxon

    Alan, you should have received an email already. You have until Saturday to respond with further information for us to send you your prize. If we don’t hear from you by then, a runner-up will be chosen.

    Query Letter / Book Blurb Random Winner

    As a thank you to all the authors who submitted their work to be critiqued, we’ve randomly chosen one lucky winner who has a choice of the following prizes:

    The query letter / book blurb week’s winner is:

    Entrant #6
    M.W.

    M., look for an email in your inbox later today. You have until Sunday to respond as to which of the three prizes you want. If we don’t hear from you by then, a runner-up will be chosen. Once you choose your prize, we will provide you and the blogger with each other’s contact information to coordinate timing.

    Final Wrap-Up Next Week

    The final week’s Rafflecopter random giveaway of two eBooks and a $10 Amazon gift certificate ends on Sunday at midnight, so give some feedback on one of the earlier posts and maybe win some prizes. Check out this week’s entries here and here:

    a Rafflecopter giveaway

    One more shout out to the bloggers!

    Don’t forget to give some thanks to all our participating blogs and bloggers:

    See you again on Monday for the final wrap-up!

  • Silence (Friday Fictioneers #4)

    This flash fiction Friday event is both fun and a great writing exercise. A picture prompt, a 100-word story that links dozens of awesome writer bloggers! Thank you, Rochelle Wishoff-Fields!

    Here’s my fourth attempt entitled “Silence”.

    PHOTO PROMPT Copyright – Ted Strutz

     

    SILENCE

    99 words

    The whirring in my mouth was goose-flesh inducing, but I had already tucked it away in the past. I was already on the docked ferry, its yawning mouth mimicking my own. I was already alone, far from the crying, whining, screaming—all that ruckus that made the noise in my cavity a welcome respite.

    By the time Gus found out I was missing, I’d be far away. Huddled in a cozy, silent room.

    Let Gus handle the ruckus for the rest of the week. Four days of peace was all I wanted. I deserved as much.

    Then I’d return.

    __________________________

    That story draws from personal need. Almost always when I ride the train to work, I think of going down to the terminal station at the port of Piraeus and board any outbound ship. Just be left to my own devices for a few days. Not talk to a living soul. Just silence.

    For more stories and totally different takes on this prompt click on the linky:

  • Calling All Critiques: Query Letter Entry #6

    Thank you, M.W., for submitting your query letter! I hope that the comments you receive will help you get tons of positive responses!

    Critiques are welcome from anyone and everyone. Just remember our rules: Be nice. Be constructive. Be specific. Be polite. In this case, we would appreciate comments from writers who have gone through the process, or at least have looked into the art of writing a successful query letter. If you’re not familiar with how query letters work, you can still comment on the blurb!

    For anyone just joining us, check out a previous post about the this week’s event.

    If you comment with your critique, please feel free to enter this week’s Rafflecopter giveaway. One lucky person will win a $10 Amazon gift card, an eCopy of It Ain’t Easy Being Jazzy by Quanie Miller, and an eCopy of Guarding Angel by S. L. Saboviec.

    a Rafflecopter giveaway

    Entry #6

    Name: M.W.
    Website:http://mywritingcorner.webs.com/
    Title: The Chess Club
    Genre: YA

    Entry

    Dear…

    I am currently seeking an agent for my first novel, THE CHESS CLUB. A YA mystery novel, which is about 70,000 words. The idea for this book derived from my interest in chess and a love of the Nancy Drew stories. I wanted to write a feisty, intelligent, female character for today’s young adult audience, as well as include humour, eccentricity and Skittles. The story follows the anti-social Penelope Featherstonehaugh (pronounced Fanshaw) as she starts a chess club without realising just how much that will change her life.

    Penelope is forced to come up with an after-school club and she chooses the Chess Club, hoping nobody plays chess any more. Her solitary world is instantly invaded by four quirky characters who drag her out of her comfort zone, whether she likes it or not. Things are made worse when their chess pieces go missing, as well as objects from other after-school clubs. The headmaster asks Penelope for help and the Chess Club members rally around, eager to dive into an adventure. In the meantime Penelope’s attention is divided between her alcoholic mother and robberies committed in town. Though she is armed with her intelligence and sarcasm, she doesn’t realise how close to danger she truly is.

    I have a BA in English Language and Culture from the University of Utrecht and recently received my MA in Creative Writing from the University of Kent. I have had one of my short stories published in the University of Utrecht student magazine Phoenix.

    I have added a synopsis to this email. I chose to approach you because you have a broad taste when it comes to fiction, just like me. A partial or full manuscript is available upon request. I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you for your time and consideration.

    Sincerely,

    My Critique

    I feel awkward commenting on your letter when you hold a BA in English, and I’m not even a native speaker. But one thing I have faith in is my instinct, so I’ll offer my bit, and hopefully you’ll find it constructive.

    I felt that the language you used throughout the letter was more of the conversational type when you need “tight” original language that will brand you as a good writer. For example, the second sentence is not full (no main verb). My suggestion for your opening:

    “I am currently seeking representation for my first novel, THE CHESS CLUB, a 70,000-word YA mystery novel.”

    I’m not sure that the two sentences where you talk about what inspired you to write the book and your intentions regarding the heroine would be of interest to the agent. If your inspiration was highly original e.g. an Andean trek inspired you to write a wilderness thriller, I’d say include it, but an interest in chess and Nancy Drew isn’t that exceptional. Also your intention to portray a feisty heroine does not guarantee that you’ve succeeded, but what if you present her character’s attributes through a behaviour rather than tell us (show not tell)? My suggestion:

    “Penelope Featherstonehaugh (pronounced Fanshaw) is a ??-year-old high school student who likes people as long as they keep their distance. When she is assigned the foundation of an after-school club, she goes for a chess club, assuming she would be its sole member. But her solitary world is instantly invaded by (names) who, in no time at all, drag her out of her comfort zone.” (The phrase “whether she likes it or not” is redundant; nobody likes being dragged out of their comfort zone.)

    The rest of your blurb is somewhat fragmented. You say “things are made worse” when objects go missing, but then we learn that Penelope has an alcoholic mother, which makes the missing objects sound trivial. Then there is mention of robberies and danger but how does that connect to the chess club? My suggestion (but I’m speculating here, as I don’t have all the facts):

    “Having to deal with an alcoholic mother and a wave of robberies that sends ripples through the town, Penelope needs a tougher armour than intelligence and wit.”

    As for attaching a synopsis, make sure you do it only when the submission requirements specify it.

    I wish you the best of luck with your endeavours, and, once again, thank you for participating in our event.

     

     

  • Calling All Critiques: Query Letter Entry #5

    Welcome to our Query Letter/Blurb critique week, and thank you, Peggy Rothschild, for submitting your query letter! I hope that the comments you receive will help you nail the task!

    Critiques are welcome from anyone and everyone. Just remember our rules: Be nice. Be constructive. Be specific. Be polite. In this case, we would appreciate comments from writers who have gone through the process, or at least have looked into the art of writing a successful query letter. If you’re not familiar with how query letters work, you can still comment on the blurb!

    For anyone just joining us, check out a previous post about the this week’s event.

    If you comment with your critique, please feel free to enter this week’s Rafflecopter giveaway. One lucky person will win a $10 Amazon gift card, an eCopy of It Ain’t Easy Being Jazzy by Quanie Miller, and an eCopy of Guarding Angel by S. L. Saboviec.

    a Rafflecopter giveaway

    Entry #5

    Name: Peggy Rothschild
    Website:www.peggyrothschild.com
    Title: Erasing Ramona
    Genre: Adult, Thriller

    Entry

    Dear Fabulous Agent:

    Twenty-seven-year-old Miranda Burgess wants to stop running from her past. She hasn’t been back to Mill Valley since the day she awoke inside a strange house and discovered six dead bodies, including that of her boyfriend, Billy. With no idea who committed the murders, Miranda ran, winding up in L.A. where she changed her name and made a fresh start. Ten years later, her father’s death draws her home, even though the journey may jeopardize her freedom.

    The day after the funeral, a strange man tries to force her into a van. Miranda manages to escape, but from what her would-be abductor says, she suspects the attempt is linked to the long ago murders known as the Orwell Massacre. Her new identity compromised, Miranda refuses to start over again. Going to the police isn’t an option either. She begins investigating the killings, hoping to spark some memory from that blacked-out night. But, old newspaper stories only get her so far. To dig deeper, Miranda will need to return to the risk-taking and law-breaking that once ruled her life.

    During her search for answers, Miranda discovers old friends have become enemies and new enemies potential allies. Only after unmasking the killer is Miranda able to envision a future that is no longer bound by the past.

    A thriller, ERASING RAMONA (70,000 words) delves into a flawed central character’s growth as she triumphs over her personal history while facing down an outside adversary.

    Thank you for your time and consideration.

    Sincerely,

    My Critique

    First of all, the title is fantastic! Great branding and the -RA- alliteration is a plus. Also, the story is enticing. It has the makings of a great thriller. Now, as query letters go, my main concern is that this one does not contain a paragraph about yourself. What are your writing credentials? If this is your first manuscript, is it a stand-alone, will there be a sequel? Also, have you set up an author platform? Could your academic or professional background support your writing in this genre? It’s important that the agent get an idea about who you are as well. This paragraph should be added after the blurb.

    I suggest you open your letter with the last paragraph which is a wonderful introduction presenting the title, the genre and the word count. Then follow with the blurb.

    My suggestions about the blurb: omit the boyfriend’s name. He’s been dead for ten years, so why mention him? Also, I’d like to know why Miranda felt she had to flee the crime scene; was she afraid she would be a suspect? If this is the case, maybe you should start the second sentence with something like: “Having lived on the fringes of the law for most of her teens, Miranda panicked and ran, winding up in L.A….” Also, the second paragraph starts with very specific details that could be condensed. My suggestion:

    “Ten years later, her father’s funeral draws her home, but after an attempted abduction, which turns out to be linked to the long ago murders now known as the Orwell Massacre, Miranda realizes that she’s in mortal danger. Not willing to start over again and ruling out turning to the police, she begins investigating the killings, hoping to spark some memory from that blacked-out night. But, old newspaper stories only get her so far. To dig deeper, Miranda will need to return to the risk-taking and law-breaking that once ruled her life.”

    In fact, that would be a great way to end your blurb. I feel that your third paragraph does not offer much. The friends turned enemies twist is not highly original as is the conclusion that Miranda will have to unmask the killer to have a future—-that is stating the obvious. In my opinion this paragraph could be omitted.

    A little shifting around, the addition of a short paragraph about yourself, and you’ve got a query letter with great prospects!

     

     

  • Breathe! (Friday Fictioneers #3)

    This flash fiction Friday event is both fun and a great writing exercise. A picture prompt, a 100-word story that links dozens of awesome writer bloggers! Thank you, Rochelle Wishoff-Fields!

    Here’s my third attempt entitled “Breathe!”

    PHOTO PROMPT Copyright – Douglas M. MacIlroy

     

    BREATHE!

    99 words

    “No!” Mary’s cry sliced the silence of the cabin like a sharp blade.

    The smeared spoon, the lighter on the table, Amy’s body slouched on the chair, the tablet idle on her lap.

    Amy’s eyes cracked open. Mary braced herself for the vacant, red look of a daughter gone. It had been five years. No!

    Amy stretched like a cat. “Jeez, I guess I snoozed. There was a power cut, so I heated the soup on the gas cooker.” She gave her mother a sheepish smile. “I’m a slob.”

    Mary shuddered, as relief exploded in her. “Any soup left?”

    __________________________

    When I saw this picture, impulsively I zoomed in to discern any actual drug paraphernalia. It just took me there, hence the story.

    For more stories and totally different takes on this prompt click on the linky: