Vivid (Friday Fictioneers #1)

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What an awesome idea! A picture prompt, a 100-word story every Friday that links dozens of writer bloggers! Thank you, Rochelle Wishoff-Fields!

Here’s my first attempt entitled “Vivid”.

Vivid

The foreground is crisp and clear just like the breeze wafting in from the open window. I need mossy green. Perfect. Now burnt orange. A drop of blood red gives me persimmon. I shrug. Sepia, tawny strokes slash my canvas. I cock my head. The gnarly twigs give me a thumbs-up. Two flicks of my wrist, and I add vertical lines. Then a dewy drop at the tip to soften their descent. I ponder on the foggy background. I let it be.

One deep breath, and I open my eyes. Feeling for the edge of the window panes, I shut the breeze out and count the five steps to the door, smiling.

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I’d love your feedback! Also, if you’d like to check out other bloggers’ stories for this prompt, click on the linky:

Comments

49 responses to “Vivid (Friday Fictioneers #1)”

May 22, 2014

EBotziou

A beautifully descriptive piece!

Reply
1. May 22, 2014
  
  MM Jaye
  
  Thank you, Ekaterina! I appreciate your taking the time to comment!
  
  Reply
May 22, 2014

Nicholas C. Rossis

Lovely description!

This gave me an idea: remember that post of Six-Word Flash Science Fiction Stories? Perhaps we could try something similar, based on a photo. For this one, for example, we could say,

“When the fog came, we ran”
or
“Emptied from men, Earth flourished again”

Reply
1. May 22, 2014
  
  MM Jaye
  
  Thanks, Nicholas, but I don’t think neither you nor Ekaterina got that the person is blind 😦 As for trying sth similar, I like the way you think! You mean start a picture-prompt / flash fiction labelled event? Cool! Although the less words, the more I suck. “Vivid” is 115 words 😉
  
  Reply
  1. May 22, 2014
    
    Nicholas C. Rossis
    
    Blimey, you’re right! Upon rereading it, it became pretty clear! Sorry I’d missed it the first time, my bad!
    
    Reply
    1. May 22, 2014
      
      MM Jaye
      
      No problem 🙂 I think I’ll have to hint in the intro… Still, let’s brainstorm on starting sth out!
      
      Reply
May 22, 2014

Woman_on_Pause

I loved the imagery in this story. It was a great read!

Reply
1. May 22, 2014
  
  MM Jaye
  
  Thank you for the positive vote!
  
  Reply
May 22, 2014

Effrosyni Moschoudi

Simply brilliant Maria – well done 🙂

Reply
1. May 22, 2014
  
  MM Jaye
  
  Coming from you, it means a lot, Fros! Thanks! I think I’m starting to enjoy flash fiction!
  
  Reply
May 22, 2014

Weltchysnotebook

Amusingly enough, as mentioned above, I did wonder if the mc was blind. “Feeling for the edge of the window pane” after she opened her eyes was the give away. Until that line, I was definitely living as the Painter, so you got the story pretty much spot on.

Reply
1. May 22, 2014
  
  Weltchysnotebook
  
  Hrm, change that to as mentioned below!!
  
  Reply
  1. May 22, 2014
    
    MM Jaye
    
    “Feeling for the edge of the window”, “opened my eyes” and “counted the five steps to the door” where my three tells. It’s good that I had you thinking though…I think 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!
    
    Reply
2. May 22, 2014
  
  Nicholas C. Rossis
  
  You’re more observant than me 🙂
  
  For some reason, I had an image of someone stretching to grasp shutters through an open window, feeling their way because the shutters were too wide open for the person to see them (I used to have that problem in my old house!) That’s why it didn’t register as a giveaway. Of course, once I re-read it, it made perfect sense!
  
  Reply
  1. May 22, 2014
    
    Weltchysnotebook
    
    Only for this story. Perception can be skewed by experience, so in this case you filled in the blanks with your past experience whilst I could not, making me question why someone would feel for something if their eyes were open.
    
    Reply
    1. May 22, 2014
      
      Nicholas C. Rossis
      
      Still, nice catch 🙂
      
      Reply
      1. May 22, 2014
        
        MM Jaye
        
        Thanks, guys! I’m glad the piece was thought provoking!
May 22, 2014

Sandra

Well done; a lovely debut piece! And a great twist.

Reply
1. May 22, 2014
  
  MM Jaye
  
  I appreciate that, Sandra! Yours was expertly done, as well!
  
  Reply
May 22, 2014

K.Z.

very vivid… you chose the perfect title for the piece. your character created a beautiful mental painting. it’s very inspiring that she didn’t let her blindness stop her from enjoying colors.
welcome to friday fictioneers 🙂

Reply
1. May 22, 2014
  
  MM Jaye
  
  Thank you so much! I enjoyed yours a bunch!
  
  Reply
May 22, 2014

patrickprinsloo

I’m rather stupid. I was too busy enjoying the richness of the first paragraph to realise from para 2 that she is blind. It’s a moving little piece.

Reply
May 23, 2014

rgayer55

I love your description of the colors, persimmon was especially nice. Lovely piece, very well written. Welcome to Friday Fictioneers. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Reply
1. May 23, 2014
  
  MM Jaye
  
  Thank you so much!! I’ve left a comment on yours; hilarious and spot-on!
  
  Reply
May 23, 2014

Horus

That was a wonderful joining piece maria. I enjoyed both the imagery as well as the twist. The last para was quite hard hitting.. great work and welcome to the gang ! 😀

Reply
1. May 23, 2014
  
  MM Jaye
  
  I appreciate the warm welcome! Thank you!
  
  Reply